Sometimes, I get this memory flash from the past whenever I look at something.

Sometimes when I looked at a couple holding hands, I remember my first time watching sunset on the roof of a church with my first love and he took my hand in his. We stayed like that in complete silence until dark. Sometimes when it rains, I thought about how I wanted my ex-boyfriend who is in a long distance relationship with me couple of years ago hugged me and keep me from cold. When I see the color blue I remembered the times I spent crying because of my first love who left me for his girlfriend again. I was the other woman.

And holding back those memories isn't easy. I tried and tried to keep them on the deepest part of my mind and just lock them there forever.

So is holding back from falling in love with someone.

Every time I fall for someone, I can't hold back imagining a future with them. I cannot hold myself back from thinking how soft they lips were, how their hand will feel in mine, how their body felt against me.

Here I quote a beautiful poem that explains everything by Amanda Helm called "I've Been Trying"