with love, Theresa.

So, I had a major flashback. Well, not really major. That was exaggerating. 

It all begins when I had an amazing idea to reorganize my closet to fit more space for my makeup and I opened my drawer, thinking of emptying them so I can put all my makeup in there. Apparently, it's a good and a bad idea. I stumbled upon a letter from one of my EXs.

You know, for a person like me who's easily like someone and easily getting bored of them, I naturally had few EXs and a bunch of guys who got close to me but somehow it's not working out because I easily got bored or I feel like they're bringing bad influence to me. But once I fall, my friend, I fall deep. And there were only 2 people I ever loved so much in my relationship history.

One of them is now one of my best friends. He's still one of my favorite boys and actually, I just came home from hanging out with him and another one of my best friends since childhood (and also my ex). We still hang out and talk a lot, he still laughs at me and I still talk shit at him like we used to, but with a less romantic feeling. He was also my first love, the one I loved the most in my life, my worst heartbreak, and the one who taught me what loving someone with all your heart feels like.

The other one is the one who sent me the letter. I remember very vividly that we were very much in love. I love him as much as I loved my first love, but it's not working out. Distance is not an easy thing. We met once, and we dated for around 8 months. It was something, he was something. He understood me, listened to me, respected me, paid attention to me, and he thought the world of me. I remember how it feels loving him, I remember seeing beautiful flowers and how it reminds me of him. I remember missing him and how I can imagine his arms around me. I remember every laugh and smile he brought to me. And I'm glad that I experienced them. I think until this point I'm still in love with him, I don't think I ever stopped either.

How long has it been since the last time I hold someone's hand? How long has it been since the last time I hugged someone? How long has it been since I can bury my face in the neck of someone I love?

Right. Years. Many years ago.

But then, everything's beautiful in its own time, right?

With love,

Theresa.

Look of the day!

Sensibio H2O Micellar Water.

Sensible Tonic

Hydrabio Serum Moisturizing Concentrate

Sensibio Light Soothing Cream

Photoderm Max SPF 100

SO. My wish do came true and I do get into the regionals for basketball. and it

was

A W E S O M E .

It was like 3 months ago but Idk I don't really have time to write anything anymore because of my grades. Oh my God, my grades. They're like seriously low I went down three rank!!! Though I wasn't so bad on my finals because I didn't fail any, I just need to do some assignments that I missed because of the period of time I was absent and didn't do my schoolwork.

here's some pictures!!

Girls & Boys Basketball Team

Well, that's all for now. See you people soon!

Sometimes, I get this memory flash from the past whenever I look at something.

Sometimes when I looked at a couple holding hands, I remember my first time watching sunset on the roof of a church with my first love and he took my hand in his. We stayed like that in complete silence until dark. Sometimes when it rains, I thought about how I wanted my ex-boyfriend who is in a long distance relationship with me couple of years ago hugged me and keep me from cold. When I see the color blue I remembered the times I spent crying because of my first love who left me for his girlfriend again. I was the other woman.

And holding back those memories isn't easy. I tried and tried to keep them on the deepest part of my mind and just lock them there forever.

So is holding back from falling in love with someone.

Every time I fall for someone, I can't hold back imagining a future with them. I cannot hold myself back from thinking how soft they lips were, how their hand will feel in mine, how their body felt against me.

Here I quote a beautiful poem that explains everything by Amanda Helm called "I've Been Trying"

Well, hello.

It's been a long, long time since the last time I updated my blog. I actually cannot remember that I have a blog in the first place, haha! I was reminded of this blog because I was reading my friend's and I was like "Oh, right! I have one too!". Here I am.

I suppose updating stuff in here is not so important as no one is constantly waiting for my new blog post (or there are some? dude get a life.) or anything. But I guess it's good too when I want to look back and just take a trip down to a memory lane.

Memory lane my ass, I just deleted bunch of posts because it's embarrassing myself.

Well, nothing much changes. I still play basketball, but I haven't played guitar for MONTHS now. Me and my team won some championships, I'm not being trained to be a playmaker for regionals (wish me luck!)

best. win. ever.

I won 1st place on a graphic designing competition locally, and placed 2nd on the provincial level. I have that one chance to go to nationals on something and I missed it. UGH. My grammar improved, I had a hemangioma surgery on my upper chest last year which now forms a keloid (UGHHH), I have a laser treatment on my face too last year (because there's stuff in my face that cannot be removed by normal medication ok don't judge), I sprained my ankles for a lot of times I cannot actually count them, sprained my fingers for way too many times too, I went to Legoland in Malaysia on 28th December, I made money from those championships too and I managed to buy a new phone using purely my own money. I'm on my second year of high school and there's only one year left until Uni so yay to that, and I'm now a student council president.

Which is shocking, really. I'm not a student council member on the first year but suddenly I was elected to be one. It doesn't matter, because I'm up to anything and this kind of things will be a useful lesson for me in the future, I'm sure.

Speaking of lessons, our teachers told us to make decisions for Uni choices from now because in Sept/Oct they're already accepting. I was kinda fixed on Bina Nusantara's visual design communication but my mom doesn't agree to that so instead I'm going to London School of Public Relation majoring in International Relations (since they told me that I'm good at making friends and stuff and yeah..)

What else is there to update huh.. Well, nothing. I'm still the same old me. Things are a little bit better in my life, there's less drama, I'm surrounded by my best friends that I will never trade for the world, I love my teachers I just hate the lesson, I'm in love with basketball more than ever, I already have visions of my future, and the most important thing is that I am okay.

I am okay, and I am content enough with what I have right now. It's not perfect, and there's still some things that is missing, and that's okay. It will come to me when Lord decided to give it to me. I am healthy, I am breathing, I can still eat everyday, I still can laugh and cry, I still feel anger and jealousy, I can still see my parents everyday, and that's enough for me.

Sometimes I am not okay too, sometimes some feelings are just unbearable. There are also days where you feel unbelievably lonely, and that's okay too. It's okay to not to be okay. We all need a break at some point.

Remember to live your life to the fullest and make this year count. Make mistakes, learn, and move on.

I'm grateful for what I have, and I'm grateful for what is more to come.

Have a great year ahead, everyone.